


Freedom Of Choice

by Eustacia Vye (eustaciavye)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-16
Updated: 2011-12-16
Packaged: 2017-10-27 09:50:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/294417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eustaciavye/pseuds/Eustacia%20Vye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I can't hear you," she said aloud, not knowing if he could hear her. He stopped moving his lips abruptly as she said "I can't hear myself. I can't hear anything."</p><p> </p><p>Written for the "hearing loss" box on my <a href="http://community.livejournal.com/hc_bingo/">hc_bingo</a> card. Title and epigraph from A Perfect Circle's "Freedom Of Choice."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Freedom Of Choice

We're victims of sedition on the open sea  
No one ever said life was free  
Sank, swam, go down with the ship  
Just use your freedom of choice  
"Freedom Of Choice" by A Perfect Circle 

 

It sounded like an explosion, something infinitely loud that led to pain and dizziness. Ginny reeled from the impact, and for a long moment she couldn't even move. She simply laid there on the ground not far from the lake, staring up at the sky overhead. It was cold, too cold to be out of the castle in just her school uniform and cloak, but she had been trying to avoid the junior Death Eaters that had been chasing her across the school grounds. She could feel the cold seeping through her clothes and could only hear the ringing aftereffects of the explosion. It hurt to move, and she was too dizzy to even turn her head at first. Trying to sit up would no doubt make it worse.

A pale blond head with pale gray eyes entered her vision. His lips moved, but she couldn't hear what he said over the ringing in her ears. Ginny looked up at him in confusion, wondering why he seemed so familiar. He hadn't been one of the Death Eaters that had followed her. Had he been there somehow?

He was repeating whatever he was saying slowly, but none of it registered. The ringing in her ears was dimming down somewhat, but she couldn't hear what he had to say. He was getting frusted by her dumb stare, then he abruptly hauled her to her feet. The world swam dizzily, and Ginny staggered in his grasp. She had the vague notion of throwing up all over him, but then the wave of nausea passed and she was overcome by exhaustion instead. She sagged in the boy's grasp, and she was startled when he whirled her around roughly and all but shouted in her face.

She heard none of it. The ringing was mostly gone now, but she could hear _nothing._

"I can't hear you," she said aloud, not knowing if he could hear her. He stopped moving his lips abruptly as she said "I can't hear myself. I can't hear anything."

He couldn't bring her to the Hospital wing fast enough.

***

Madame Pomfrey took Ginny into the hospital wing, fussing and clucking over her as much as Molly Weasley would have. It was odd to see her lips move and hear nothing coming out, to have her pushing at Ginny's arms in order to get her into the examination area of the Hospital wing. Once her head stopped spinning, Ginny could see that the pale boy was Draco Malfoy, and that he was still there with her. He answered some of Madam Pomfrey's questions, but otherwise was silent and observant. He was a Prefect, Ginny realized, seeing the badge on his school robes. Headmaster Snape had made him Prefect, and most of the Gryffindor students felt that it was favoritism of the most blatant kind. Ginny hadn't had much interaction with him before this incident, for all of her scrapes with the Carrows and Death Eater students. She couldn't help it if her hair was a beacon for anti-Order hatred, or if her Gryffindor badge seemed to be a magnet for trouble. Of course, she didn't try to get out of its way, either.

It was nice to see that it wasn't completely favoritism that made Draco a Prefect. He seemed very quiet and stoic, taking the position and responsibility seriously. Ginny knew that even a few months ago she never would have thought anything favorable about him, but this at least earned some points in her book. It would have been easier for him to simply take her to the Hospital wing and then leave her there, without any explanation for Madame Pomfrey.

When Madame Pomfrey moved on to double check some of her identification spell results against her journals, Draco shoved a piece of parchment in front of her and quickly scratched a short message onto it with a quill from his backpack. _Who did this to you?_ Ginny shrugged helplessly. She didn't know their names and hadn't wanted to stop and ask them. Draco tapped his Slytherin badge and mouthed "Slytherin?" slow enough for her to understand it. She nodded and hoped she was whispering instead of shouting when she added "Junior Death Eaters showing off the Dark Mark."

He let out a little sigh and put the parchment and quill back into his backpack. Madame Pomfrey returned a little while later, fussing over her. Ginny couldn't hear any of it, but from the look on her face the results couldn't be good.

Madame Pomfrey had also returned with a roll of parchment and a self-inking quill. _The damage might not be permanent, if we do the restoration spells and potions correctly. Even so, it can be months before you regain your hearing back to normal._

Ginny sighed and watched Draco nod at Madame Pomfrey before leaving the Hospital wing without a backward glance.

Well, the Carrows weren't letting any of the Gryffindors participate in clubs or events after classes. She already wasn't allowed to play Quidditch, anyway.

***

Trying to attend classes when she couldn't hear the lectures was nothing but an exercise in futility for Ginny. Neville gave her his old notes and texts, and there were enough people in her classes that were willing to share notes. To her surprise, Draco handed her a parchment with fine copperplate hand. When she unrolled it, she could see a spell for perfect transcription of speech. _I doubt you can afford a Quick Notes Quill,_ read the note at the top. _This should help you with classes._

"Thank you," she told him sincerely. He muttered something she couldn't understand, and Ginny impulsively took his hand and squeezed it tightly. He was startled by the familiar gesture, and Ginny merely smiled at him. After all, he didn't have to do this. He went out of his way to help her, so the least she could do was be nice.

Draco had a low flush on his pale face, and he looked less like a ghost and more like an actual mortal. "You look good," Ginny commented idly before turning to go back to Gryffindor Tower.

The look on his face was utterly priceless and kept her smiling all night.

***

Draco cornered Ginny at the library while she was trying to study. Cornered wasn't entirely accurate, however. Other Slytherin boys were around her, as well as some Ravenclaw boys that were friendly with them. Ginny was looking down at her work, obviously ignoring the presence of the hostile boys. She couldn't hear them say the vile things that were falling from their lips, didn't know their intentions. She could guess them well enough, but she resolutely ignored them as best as she could. Draco could hear the comments, of course, and bristled on her behalf. He didn't particularly like her family and she had cursed him two years before. But that had been turnabout then, and here she was practically helpless. He thought of her stunned expression when she was first injured, or the open way she had thanked him for a simple spell.

"Oi. Move along, now. No sport in harassing someone that can't even hear what you have to say."

They grumbled but listened to him. When their shadows moved away from her, Ginny looked up. There was strain in her features, but she relaxed once she saw Draco standing there alone. "I suppose I should thank you again. That's three times now." She paused, considering that. "Do I owe you some kind of debt now?"

Draco considered that point, then sat beside her. Without stopping to question his motives, he kissed her softly.

Startled, Ginny froze in place. His kiss was more gentle than she would have given him credit for, and over before she could really think about it. "Don't make it a habit," Draco told her, lips moving slow enough for her to read them and understand him. "Unless, of course, you want more of that," he murmured, lip curling into something of a smirk.

He left her side, and Ginny instantly felt lonely.

***

There was no way to tell how heavy her tread was as she walked through the halls, but she wore her lightest shoes and crept as lightly as she could. A few of her classmates had given her a thumbs up to indicate that she was being quiet enough, but it was odd not being able to hear it for herself. She had a great excuse planned, just in case, though no one would really believe her anyway. Neville was caught earlier that day trying to check in on Hannah, and he was currently still in detention with the Carrows. He had to escape their notice for a little while, especially from the Carrows. If she and Neville were caught stealing the Sword of Gryffindor, she was sure there would be hell to pay.

Her legs were suddenly consumed in a flash of bright light, and pain shot through her. She bit her lip hard enough to make it bleed, and she fell to the ground. Pansy Parkinson stood over her, jaw tight and eyes flashing. This wasn't a personal vendetta, then. Those Prefects usually were gloating right about now. "This could have been something deadly," she said, lips moving slow enough for Ginny to understand. "You're so stupid, Weasley."

Ginny frowned up at Pansy, clutching at one of her legs to try to work out the pain shooting up her calf muscle. She didn't understand, and that was clearly written all over her face. She watched as Pansy looked over Ginny's prone form toward Draco's pale face. Pansy spoke quickly, but Ginny's lip reading skills were getting better and better. _She's going to get us all killed, Draco. This is stupid. How are we going to survive if you keep protecting her from her own idiocy?_

Through her hair, Ginny watched Draco carefully for his reply. _I'll figure it out, Pansy. I'll do whatever has to be done, just like last year._

She didn't even have to pretend to gasp in pain when Draco hauled Ginny to her feet. What happened last year? What did he do? She was just starting to realize that perhaps not all of the Death Eaters truly believed in their cause or wanted to do the terrible things ascribed to them. What awful thing did he have to do?

She wasn't suicidal enough to ask him in front of Pansy. Her dark eyes were flashing, but Ginny could see it was due to fear. The Slytherin girl's arms were unmarked, but clearly there was a hold over that house that the rest of the school couldn't even guess at.

Draco pulled her through the halls until she lost track of where they were going. She thought she could hear ringing at times, but since it was in time with her heartbeat she ignored that sound. He spun her around and pushed her up against one of the castle walls before attacking her mouth in a torrid kiss that she wound up giving herself over to. Draco clutched her close afterward, panting heavily, whispering something against her skin. She closed her eyes, still able to feel the press of his lips against hers. She didn't know what he was saying, and he would know that. He could be confessing every vile thing under the sun, and she would have no idea what it was. She was a safe person to confide in; it did occur to her that perhaps that was one reason why he was doing this. Or that he had somehow been involved in the curse that had taken her hearing. She wasn't stupid enough to believe that this was simply his own good will.

He pulled back slowly, then cupped her face in his hands. "You have to be careful," he told her slowly. "You have to be safe. I couldn't bear it if you weren't."

"Why?" she asked, placing her hands over his. _What am I to you?_

If she hadn't seen the pained look on his face, she never would have believed it. She never would have thought him capable of anything but selfishness, but apparently there were all sorts of nuances to people that she hadn't been aware of. Her family had sheltered her from so much, and she had naively thought the world existed in black and white, not in multitudes of grays.

"Just stay safe," he repeated.

"Draco," Ginny said sharply, letting go of one hand to grasp at his shirt. She pulled him closer, their bodies pressed flush against each other. "I was never this important to you before," she said slowly, looking him in the eye the entire time. "I know our families hate each other. Why are you doing this?"

"It started because of that," he admitted slowly. Ginny blinked in surprise at that, as well as the fact that the rushing sound in her ears almost seemed to ebb and flow in time with his words and not her heartbeat. "But it's more than that now. It's not because of what's been done to you. It's..."

"You're more than where you came from," Ginny said when he couldn't speak anymore. Draco nodded, his gaze intent on her face. "And there's so much going on now, there's no way to safely find out what it could be."

"Yeah," he said, looking as though it was a mere exhalation than a statement. "That's it."

"I can't change who I am or what I am," Ginny told him softly. It was just as well she couldn't hear her own voice; she thought perhaps her voice was breaking. It felt as though she was ending things before they even began.

"Neither can I," Draco said, enunciating clearly. "I will do whatever it takes to keep the people I care about safe."

"So would I."

Nothing changed, nothing was resolved. Ginny felt an ache in her chest and wanted to cry from the force of it.

Draco pressed a note into her hand and abruptly left her side. She stared after him with a forlorn expression, then looked down at the piece of parchment. The writing was hurried, not like his more usual confident strokes of the quill. _It was a corruption of the clariovoce spell that they were trying to do. Instead of magnifying things painfully for you, it actually disrupted your ability to hear, and it will take a long time to heal that kind of damage. I've taken steps to ensure they won't do it again. In the meantime, avoid the Forbidden Forest and the fields near the lake. If you can, keep to your dorm after dark. Please._

Ginny looked up and down the hallway where Draco had gone. She closed her eyes for a moment, hearing the odd humming sound that was in time with her heartbeat. Maybe her hearing was starting to come back as Madam Pomfrey had said it would. Either way, she had to continue pretending that she was still deaf, just as she had to continue pretending that she still hated the Malfoys with every fiber of her being.

***

Over the next few weeks, her hearing slowly resolved the odd humming and ringing into something like words. She heard loud shouts as whispers, ordinary speech hardly at all and not a whisper. Ginny still pretended that she couldn't hear a thing, and as the sounds around her became clearer, she wished her hearing hadn't come back. Now she could hear the ugly rumors about her friends or her family. Now she could hear the inflections in the voices of people she had once laughed and joked around with. The war had changed them, hardened them in ways she could only guess at. They were no longer children, no longer innocent.

Then again, neither was she.

She lied to Draco every time she pretended she couldn't hear his whispers if he met her in the hallways. She deliberately walked where he would find her, and they would kiss and touch as much as they dared. He whispered that she had to stay safe, that he couldn't bear to be responsible for her life, that he didn't know how he could survive the year. He worried after his parents, over the tasks he was set to do, over the things he didn't know if he would be able to complete. He didn't _want_ to comply, but his parents' lives were still at risk, and he would sacrifice her friends for them. It was a struggle to hear it and not respond to it, to refrain from whispering meaningless words back at him. She couldn't stop what was happening to his family any more than she could stop what was happening to hers.

"I will protect you," he promised, over and over again. Maybe that was why she didn't get so harsh a punishment as the Carrows had wanted to give her when she had tried to steal the Sword of Gryffindor. Maybe that was why she wasn't a target for such physical brutality as Neville got. Maybe that was why she was still in the castle when Luna and so many others were not. "I'm doing what I can," he told her.

She knew it wasn't enough. It wasn't nearly enough, not when she had to help the Order however she could.

If he let something slip around her, she passed it along to friends that ultimately passed it along via Potterwatch or various trails to the Order. The transcription spell was useful, though it left a trail of parchment behind. She started burning the pieces in the evening so that she wouldn't be caught with delicate information she shouldn't have had. It was the only way she could really protect Draco.

"Are you all right, Ginny?" Neville asked her quietly one evening. Easter hols were coming up, and he knew his Pureblood status at least would protect him a little longer. His grandmother wasn't on any side, and he was considered a dismal failure in his schooling by the Death Eater camp.

On the other hand, Ginny's only protection was her presumed lack of hearing. Because of her family connections, her own Pureblood status wouldn't be enough to save her. Draco's protections in the school wouldn't be enough. She could see it, even if he didn't allow himself to. There were more things happening in between the lines of his whispers, in between the half said truths of his housemates. The spells he had given her were too good, and the information she was passing along was too good.

She was crying as she was feeding the parchment into the fire of the Gryffindor common room. She hadn't even felt the tears; it felt as if she was always crying, always alone, always feeling disconnected and helpless. She was an ickle firstie all over again, trapped in a web much larger than she was. There was no escaping from the doom cloud hanging over her, and stolen kisses in the hallway wouldn't be enough to keep her safe.

"I'll be fine, Neville," she murmured. He looked doubtful, and she forced a smile to her lips. "I can't go home, that's all," she said. She hadn't made any conscious decision regarding Easter hols, but as she said the words aloud she knew them to be true. She couldn't go home, couldn't present herself as a welcome opportunity to undermine everything the rest of her family was doing to help the Order and fight Death Eaters. This was her little way to help them. This was her choice, her decision.

Ginny wasn't the helpless girl they had all left behind in the castle. Her family couldn't see it, but she knew it to be true. She could turn their expectations back on themselves and do whatever had to be done. She was a child making an adult decision, but it felt right. It fit.

Neville looked uncertain, but she pushed the last of the parchment into the fire with the poker. Brushing the tears from her cheeks, she rose to her feet to face him. "Someone needs to keep the Room of Requirement open. Someone needs to get things going here. Someone needs to protect the younger students from what's happening. We can't leave them on their own or even worse things are going to happen. We can't stand by and do nothing." She touched his arm, seeing that her words resonated with him. "I can't go home, but that doesn't mean the others can't. Sometimes one person has to sacrifice so that the others can keep on going. That doesn't make it easy, but that's the right thing to do."

He gathered her up into a hug and nodded, accepting her decision. "We'll make sure this works, Ginny."

"Of course you will," Ginny replied, smiling through her tears.

Her heart wasn't breaking, not at all. She wasn't seeing a potential future dissolve in front of her. She wasn't feeling as though the end of the world was coming, not in the slightest.

Ginny could do this. She could be brave, not weak or powerless. This was her choice. No one was making her do this, and it needed to be done. But she would miss Draco's lips against hers, or the fevered press of his hand against her skin. She would miss the way he whispered the truth and was unguarded around her. He would collapse without an outlet and he would feel as though her disappearance was his fault.

But they couldn't change who they were. They couldn't change where they came from, or that they would do anything to protect their families and friends.

Ginny packed a small bag and disappeared from Gryffindor Tower right before Easter hols.

The End


End file.
